I have deleted my blog. I still hold it in my heart, but in a place where learned lessons lie, and from which we gain experience, strength and a love of the present and the future.
As a special friend once said to me "You had fun, it's over, you are young, attractive, respected and sexy with your life ahead of you. Look ahead, not back."
It's taken a while for that message to get through, but it has, and as the sun streams through my window I can say goodbye to a chapter in my life I will never revisit.
Mr R still visits his old haunts, the sex sites, the lap dancing clubs, the emotional blackmail relationships he has with his family, the inability he has to spend time in his own company. He has never been able to wipe his slate clean but he smudges the reality with expensive tastes, first class travel and what appears to be high class living. The reality is a soul that is close to empty, but pepped up with atificial enjoyment, and a body abused on almost evey level.
I am lucky that I can walk away and celebrate life with genuine friends, have a cheap night out and enjoy - not criticise it. Hug friends with genuine emotion and look forward to enjoying life as it is. Not hoping it will improve as time goes on.
After all that trouble, and a future a lot less moneyed than it was before I am, actually, the lucky one.
Thank you for reading, supporting and not judging. x
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